The Monday Show Podcast 04-20-09

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Battle of the Crazies: Illinois Vs. Georgia

I had a lot of free time over the weekend thanks to my ass getting furloughed from work. The time off wasn't all bad though. I did get to have some fun and sure enough, found some really crazy people out there.

Harry Jackson broke out of a Georgia jailhouse on Saturday. Not to worry though, the fugitive was apprehended just hours later when we was caught breaking back into the prison.

Yeah, that's right. He made it out of the slammer and then got busted for sneaking back in to a guarded jailhouse. Upon his return, the sheriff's office said they found 14 packs of cigarettes on the guy. As best as anyone can figure, the story goes like this:

Man goes to jail. Man finds way out of jail. Man proceeds to go down the block to a liquor store where he then beats the crap out of the shopkeeper, steals as many smokes as he can carry, and then lets himself back into the jailhouse.

Are you fucking kidding me?

It has to say a lot about these economic times when a guy breaks into jail just so he can have a shelter, running water and a meal every day. As it is, I'm dangerously close to getting a ski mask, a water pistol and knocking off a bank if Comcast raises their rates any higher!

Now Georgia isn't the only state in the country that is housing some nut-jobs. Actually to Georgia's credit, there are other places that contain nothing but those who refuse to accept logic as their lord and savior.

For anyone into crazy-ass planetary news, you are probably aware that Pluto is no longer a planet. Around 1996, a bunch of guys who are much smarter than I am got together, looked up at the stars and said, "You know something, Pluto is being a little shit."

Now for a simple and rather entertaining explanation of their decision , Neil DeGrasse Tyson was on The Daily Show recently to explain why your 5th grade science teacher lied to you.




So yes, our beloved Pluto was a planet and then became a planet no more.

Unless you live in Illinois.

Funny story. It turns out that Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh and good old Clyde was born in, you guessed it, the great state of Illinois.

Now the sovereign state is waving a giant middle finger to the rest of the world and is reinstating Pluto as a full-blown planet on March 13, making it "Pluto Day" in Illinois.

Personally, I never caught the appeal to Pluto. It was a giant rock spinning round in the solar system and was something we had no intention f colonizing, drilling, or blowing up. Yet somehow this mob rose up in a fury over Pluto being classified as a dwarf or a little planet. (I never know what these things like to be called these days.)

These same scientists are now saying that there's a good chance of life on other planets outside of our solar system. Well between homesick convicts, seriously bored state politicians, and reality T.V. fans, is it any wonder they haven't made contact with us yet?

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