The First Rant

Last Tuesday was Groundhog Day, yes we still celebrate Groundhog Day. So last Friday, a good 3 days after that little bugger said we would have 6 more weeks of winter, it occurred to me that I know next to nothing about this whole process. We all remember what we learn in the 2nd grade. There’s a crazy smart woodchuck thing named Phil that comes out of hibernation on February 2nd. If the letter gerbil seas his shadow its sunny outside. It turns out that Phil isn’t keen on sunlight, much like my old roommate, and therefore crawls back into his hole and we say that he “predicts” 6 more weeks of winter. Now already a few thongs are crossing my mind. For starters we, as a community, decided that there is no such things as witches, that god isn’t responsible for creating fire and that most Major league ball players do in fact use drugs. (More on that later) We have figured all of this out and yet we still believe that a rodent who spends most of his life underground, away from the crazies, can predict the future? Well here’s my take. Phil isn’t crawling back into his borough when he sees the sun. He’s hung-over. That’s right Phil gets Ill. Think about it he’s in a borough not far underground, he’s got t be drinking the same cool aid that the residents of Punxsutawney are and I can only assume that I need to be drinking whatever that guy is having! Now I’m willing to give up on my slamming of this innocent creature and the good hearted residents of this town if someone can please answer me one simple question. We’ve been celebrating Groundhog day since 1886 or something ridiculous and have obviously gone through more than one groundhog. All I want to know is how they pick a groundhog, the groundhog for the masses. The Arch Groundhog f you will. I want to know if there’s a breading plan going on, is it all in the same family or is there some sort of secret vetting process that I don’t know about. If you the listener have any idea or if you just want to share your ideas and thoughts, give me a call during a music break or shoot me an email and I’ll get your word on the air. If you want to learn more about groundhog day, be sure to check out www.groundhog.org and no I’m not making that up
All right I’ll give Phil a break for right now because I have to take a break right now. I’m not done ripping on what adults teach children though. Stick around after I play some music and hear all about Elmo’s 3rd Birthday coming up later this month. That’s right, he's only 3 years old. You’re listening to The Monday Sow on KSFS. Free For All.
Welcome Back to The Monday Show. So before the music break we were all having a laugh at Phil the groundhog. Now if you thought groundhog day was a hard sell to a 1st grader try this one on for size. Elmo, everyone’s favorite Sesame Street Muppet with a speech impediment, is reportedly having his 3rd birthday this month on the 21st. 3 years old! Now you can ask anyone around campus and they’ll tell you…well they’ll probably wonder who the hell you are talking about. But ask anyone who knows me personally and they’ll tell you I am not the best when it comes to math. Still though, I’ve been watch Elmo on Sesame Street since I was three and I’m pretty sure he's a lot older than that. So kudos to PBS for recognizing a cherished icons birthday, for reminding adults that Sesame Street is still in production and for confusing the bajesus out of a bunch of pre-scholars who were just starting to get that whole numbers thing down. More fun with numbers in a few minutes you’re listening to the Monday Show on KSFS.
Speaking of being great with numbers, how about these politicians who are “forgetting” to file taxes? Are these guys for real? Do they think we actually buy this? If you’ve been following the national news at all then you’ve probably heard of the handful of Obama Cabinet picks that have had to drop out due to gross financial negligence (read: they tried to screw you over, and they got) Think about it, the only reason we are hearing about any of these numb skulls is because they were vetted like crazy by every government and news agency you can think of. Now if you have a lot of money and you are going to try to play some dirty pool that’s fine, but don’t come out onto national TV and tell me you made an error. An error is when you get charged twice for something at the grocery store or when you fail a sobriety test because you thought there were only 22 letters in the alphabet. Failing to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars and calling it an error is like getting hammered flying a plane, nose-diving it into someone’s house and saying my bad. I guess the strangest thing of all is the lack of tax advice these guys are getting. With all that money and power you would think they can get to their neighborhood H&R block for 5 minutes and fill out a 1040?! Hey senators, you’re out of a job and I’ve got people, what up.