Outside Lands, Why I Don't Eat Domino's and Other Funny Stuff.

Ahhh it's Spring time In San Francisco. That can only mean awesome weather, longer days spent at the beach and/or park depending on your personal preference and of course, summer festival announcements!!

One of my new favorites is Outside Lands in the park. If you consider yourself a live music enthusiast, you need to be here in August. That said, tickets aren't cheap so I am starting a charitable fund to get me there. If you would like to make a contribution to the "Charitable Fund To Get Jesse into Outside Lands," please leave any contact information and I'll be in touch.

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In other news, Here is a great example of why you should NEVER eat Domino's Pizza and no, I don't care how $#@!-ed up and hungry you are.



Domino's has since put this statement out on YouTube.



So what is the moral of the story? Don't eat Domino's and more importantly, don't mess with the hard working indentured servants of the food industry.

NyQuil and Those Damn Dirty Apes.

This little short was actually the result of having a few too many NyQuil tablets and crashing on my bed for a while. For those of you who have never experienced a drug induced slumber, then you should know that the images that manifest are not exactly your Mr. Rogers type of material.

So yes, I had a dream in which my Barrack Obama action figure talked to me. What, you haven't?

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In a completely unrelated matter, I've decided that teachers should no longer be taking all of the blame for our failing educational system. The reality is that high school councilors are the ones who should be getting the harsher criticism.

Now I'm sorry if you are a councilor, if you want to be a councilor when you grow up,or if you're sleeping with a councilor but I've been reviewing scholarship applications for high school graduates and these kids are stuck with advising that is comparable to a monkey with a typewriter.



Moral of the story: Don't take advice from a 35 year old who still goes to a high school every day.

Links for Monday 03-30-09

To get drunk fan kicked out, text 513-381-JERK

Baseball park to offer 4,800-calorie burgers

Diners can 'have a ball' at testicle festival

The plant that twitters when it's thirsty

March Madness

March is always a very special time for me. The seasons start to change, there's a holiday dedicated to alcohol poisoning and a little thing called The Big Dance grabs hold of all of us.

I'm talking of course about the NCAA Basketball Tournament with all of its splendor and glory. The college playoffs series is a big deal to many people for a variety of reasons. Some love to watch the slew of games that are played virtually non-stop all day long, while some like the fast pace of the games and how insanely close they can become.

Then there are guys like me who love nothing more than to pick a winning team over a friend's and then jam your victory drown their throats.

Click here for a bracket you can use to follow along. Remember, if you have no earthly idea how any of this works just ask someone about it and make a friend.

And I'm Only a Week Behind

Time for a fun little game I like to play called "Good News, Bad News."

Good News: Last Monday's show from the 16th is now online. Yay!

Bad News (For You): I'm off this week on a nice little vaca in LA so no show and no angry ranting.

But hey, all you have to do is think of the new podcast as this week's show and we'll fake it. It will be okay, I promise.

Have a good week everybody. If something truly epic happens, I'll be sure to keep you in the know.

The Monday Show but Not Really.

I'm a busy guy. I record my show live on KSFS every Monday at 2 p.m. and then I go to work, then bed, then class all night and you get the idea.

So it is now Wednesday night, nowhere near St. Patrick's Day anymore which makes my podcast very old. It'll be even older now that the service I've ben using to upload my content is down. Oh well, I still have the highlights from Monday's show for your reading enjoyment.

A lawsuit was filed against Apple Inc last week after an iPod Touch allegedly exploded in a middle-schooler's pants pocket. This makes the total number of complaints filed against the company....Well more than Gandhi would have gotten, but less than AIG is sure to get in the coming days.

And I thought my days in Jr. High stunk.

Yeah, getting teased and embarrassing yourself, sure that goes with the territory. But to spontaneously catch ablaze in the middle of class and have your friend strip you out of your now very much on fire pants in the boys bathroom, well that's just something you can't exactly smooth out.

For more fun stuff including Microsoft's bridge to nowhere or the new spy blimp you might be paying for, be sure to check out my podcast...

...You know, when its working and everything.

The Battle of the Crazies: Illinois Vs. Georgia

I had a lot of free time over the weekend thanks to my ass getting furloughed from work. The time off wasn't all bad though. I did get to have some fun and sure enough, found some really crazy people out there.

Harry Jackson broke out of a Georgia jailhouse on Saturday. Not to worry though, the fugitive was apprehended just hours later when we was caught breaking back into the prison.

Yeah, that's right. He made it out of the slammer and then got busted for sneaking back in to a guarded jailhouse. Upon his return, the sheriff's office said they found 14 packs of cigarettes on the guy. As best as anyone can figure, the story goes like this:

Man goes to jail. Man finds way out of jail. Man proceeds to go down the block to a liquor store where he then beats the crap out of the shopkeeper, steals as many smokes as he can carry, and then lets himself back into the jailhouse.

Are you fucking kidding me?

It has to say a lot about these economic times when a guy breaks into jail just so he can have a shelter, running water and a meal every day. As it is, I'm dangerously close to getting a ski mask, a water pistol and knocking off a bank if Comcast raises their rates any higher!

Now Georgia isn't the only state in the country that is housing some nut-jobs. Actually to Georgia's credit, there are other places that contain nothing but those who refuse to accept logic as their lord and savior.

For anyone into crazy-ass planetary news, you are probably aware that Pluto is no longer a planet. Around 1996, a bunch of guys who are much smarter than I am got together, looked up at the stars and said, "You know something, Pluto is being a little shit."

Now for a simple and rather entertaining explanation of their decision , Neil DeGrasse Tyson was on The Daily Show recently to explain why your 5th grade science teacher lied to you.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

So yes, our beloved Pluto was a planet and then became a planet no more.

Unless you live in Illinois.

Funny story. It turns out that Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh and good old Clyde was born in, you guessed it, the great state of Illinois.

Now the sovereign state is waving a giant middle finger to the rest of the world and is reinstating Pluto as a full-blown planet on March 13, making it "Pluto Day" in Illinois.

Personally, I never caught the appeal to Pluto. It was a giant rock spinning round in the solar system and was something we had no intention f colonizing, drilling, or blowing up. Yet somehow this mob rose up in a fury over Pluto being classified as a dwarf or a little planet. (I never know what these things like to be called these days.)

These same scientists are now saying that there's a good chance of life on other planets outside of our solar system. Well between homesick convicts, seriously bored state politicians, and reality T.V. fans, is it any wonder they haven't made contact with us yet?